My rape was a climax in a lifetime of trauma. Braver voices than mine have overcome the shame of violation, the lingering fear of violence and pressed onwards with their lives. I want to ask them, what did they do with the burning self-hatred?
Read MoreThese days I don’t write poems anymore, and I feel a part of me is too comfortable hiding, too comfortable with the idea of getting lost in the shadows of a self who never was or never was entirely whole.
Read MoreIt became every bit of me. A fear that surfaced once I could feel her kicks.
Read MoreThey labeled me as the stereotypical NYer curt, abrasive, direct and harsh. I wore the label like a crown. I wore it like armor to protect me. To hide me. My armor will keep me safe. I'm tougher than they are, I told myself.
Read MoreI sat in the leadership team meeting and listened as male after male failed to see the implications of their words, heard things like Uncomfortable, Distraction, Temptation--In short, the education of students straight and male is derailed by the bodies of girls.
Read MoreWalking into the hospital for the first time felt familiar.
Read MoreThe term resilience, to many realms of society, is viewed as an honorable trait of the human existence
Read MoreDepression is the feeling that you don’t feel an ounce of joy from the little things that used to make you howl with laughter.
Read MoreThe jig was up. I could stop pretending. My body horizontal on the grimy floor of a BART train was proof that this thing I was doing wasn’t sustainable. By “this thing,” I mean my life.
Read MoreMy therapist says it’s important to stay tethered. I believe her.
Read MoreWhen the man at the church door tells you your knee length skirt is too short for your 13 year old body, take it off. Go to church naked. Adam and Eve the shit out of that service.
Read More*trigger warning for those sensitive to mental health issues
My psych ward socks are showing. I take a seat on one of the ugly chairs and watch the paramedic leave. I watch the other girls and bite my nails.
Read MoreI thought I had to shrink myself to be good enough. Truth? I am good enough right this freaking moment and every moment in the future and was for every moment in the past.
Read MoreThis is the moment I learn that my body does not belong to me. Forever a puppet in a battle that I did not choose.
Read MoreMy way of learning to read my body as a sacred text came by way of experiencing such extended, chronic pain I had no choice but to look beneath my outward symptoms.
Read MoreI will be my daughter’s curse. I will watch her as my mother watched me
Read MoreThey told me God was an angry old man who would rather have me dead than happy. They told me I needed to count my blessings, but to keep in mind that I didn’t deserve them. They told me to keep my head down, cover up, don’t laugh so loud, let the boys talk.
Read MoreI’ll never know the real catalyst for why I was able to pivot so quickly months after disordered eating had become so much a part of my identity…
Read MoreI chose me for the first time, but not for the last. Every moment since then has been a choosing.
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