Post Interview Email

By. Micaela Walley

Hi, again.

I apologize for being

so attached, so in love with the idea

of being. I hope I didn’t come off as the ‘how high’

to your ‘jump.’ I would fling my flailing body toward stability

if it were a moving train. I would let my spirit die in the middle of the tracks

if my body could have something definite to call itself. Death isn’t scary.

It’s the not-knowing part that drives me wild. Why don’t you just kill me?

Get it over with. Press send, let me know how you really felt about my cheap pants,

my sparkly earrings, my nose ring. I am so young, and you are not so intuitive

for remarking such so many times. I’m sorry for lashing out. I feel entitled.

I want so badly to call my mother with good news, to pay my half

of the rent this month so my boyfriend can stop trying

to kick me out. It’s not about the money.

It’s about having something to wake up and do.

I would do it well, the waking up and doing.

I am so young, so in love. So eager.

And so willing to die.

Best,