The Power Within You

Models: Subrina Hossain Nasreen Nupur Afreen Juli / Photographer: Saqif Choudhury

By. Subrina Hossain-Choudhury

When I was a child, Superman was my favorite hero.  I didn’t find it odd there weren’t that many female superheroes. I was raised to believe that heroes are male and women stand on the sidelines, cheering them on, cooking their meals, and tending after their every need. As a young girl growing up in a traditional Bangladeshi household, I didn’t even notice there was a serious sexism issue present. This is the bitter and sad truth about growing up as a South Asian girl. 

Traditional South Asian, or desi, society treats daughters as less than sons, and makes us believe that as women, we are inferior to men. I was raised with the teachings that “good desi girls” are quiet, modest, and soft-spoken, almost invisible until we are supposed to be seen, which is when we are old enough to get married.  I spent so much of my teenage years being groomed to be the perfect wife. From the way I dressed, to the way I spoke and carried myself, the facemasks I was told to use to get the ideal “fair” skin tone, to making sure I knew how to cook traditional meals. In all honesty desi society still views women as nothing until we are married. Our girls are taught that our identities exclusively exist after marriage, or that our future role as a wife is the sole significant identity we are allowed to have. We are taught that we must rely on a man in order to have a safe and stable life. We are raised to be dependent and submissive to our male relatives and eventually our partners. 

My parents immigrated to the US from Bangladesh almost thirty years ago. With them they brought the traditions they had learned growing up, but in their eyes were visions of a better life, not only for themselves, but for their future children as well. So while my culture and community said I had to be married by a certain age, my parents instead instilled the value of education and identity in me first. They have struggled their entire lives, first in Bangladesh, and then here in the US.  They understand what it takes to build a life here and they have ensured that I understand as well. While desi women are not typically granted the freedoms that men are, my parents gave me freedom the best way they knew how, through education and making sure I am able to stand up on my own too feet.  I was still prone to being sheltered and groomed to be a future wife, but once my parents had given me a taste of what independence is through education, I held on to that feeling with both hands. Because everything society told women we could only have with a man by our side, we are fully capable of giving ourselves on our own.

Models: Subrina Hossain Nasreen Nupur Afreen Juli / Photographer: Saqif Choudhury

I have. Instead of getting married young and sacrificing my identity and dreams, I chose my career. My ambition and drive to make something of myself and leave a positive mark in the world were my top priority.  I knew that I would not stay quiet and invisible the way my cultural community groomed me to be.  I craved an identity of my own. I’m the woman who was determined to make my way to New York and have a career in the fashion industry. I’m the woman who graduated at the top of her class and got a full ride to college. I’m the woman who hustles during my 9-5 job and then spends my after-work hours working on various projects whether it’s volunteering, writing, dancing on a professional dance team, you name it. I’m that woman who is determined to build a life I am proud of, and I don’t need a man to do it. I do not need a man to be someone or something.  I already did that for myself.  This is my power. This doesn’t mean I don’t have dreams of marriage and a family down the road, I do. Simply put, those dreams don’t and shouldn’t require the sacrifice of all my other dreams in order to be a reality. 

Has anyone else ever considered that if we raised women to be strong, independent, and confident, they would be able to build a life for themselves first before having to rely on anyone? Is it really that revolutionary of a thought that a woman’s identity is not simply a product of her marital status?  We don’t treat our men this way. We don’t make them feel like their time is constantly running out or that their lives only begin after marriage. We definitely don’t judge them for every decision they make. We do not make them feel less than simply because they are men. So why does traditional society continue to treat women this way? Better yet, why do we continue to allow this injustice and inequality? 

These sexist teachings and thoughts are found in many cultures, even Western society. Some women go to college with the intention of receiving her “Mrs. Degree”, otherwise known as finding a future husband. They were raised to believe that they are weak princesses, and only a man can provide them with a good life, a common message Disney movies have been scrutinized for. Some women grow up thinking they need a man in order to be happy, as if something within them has always been missing. What sexist society needs to understand is this: women are already incredible. Everything we seek is already within us, we just have to find the courage to look for that power and help it grow. 

Take Wonder Woman for example; she comes from an island and a society literally run by powerful and empowering females. She never once needed a man in order to be who she was. Instead, the women around her helped her see the value and power she has inside of her. They taught her to be strong, fearless, and independent. When she did end up falling in love, it wasn’t because she felt incomplete or incapable of being wonderful on her own, it’s simply because she fell in love.  In no way was she incomplete or inferior. Even when society tried to tell her she was inferior, she stood up, stood tall, and spoke up. 

I hope my fellow sisters know this. You are not less than. You are not incapable of giving yourself the life you desire and dream of. You do not need a man to be someone or something. There is no void inside of you that only a man can fill. Becoming whole on your own, standing on your own two feet, creating a life you are proud of, owning who you are, these are all things you can control. This is your power.  Never let anyone tell you differently. 

We are women, hear us roar.