My Body

By: Isabella Hurlbut

my body has been my body before i even knew
how to walk / or run / or scream / or cry

my body has been my body before i was allowed to paint my nails /
or wear makeup / or shave my small tan legs in mom’s clean white tub /
as i giggled and hugged myself / because this is what big girls did

my body has been my body before mom told me every day
before i left for school / or to a friend’s house at night /
to “be careful” / and “don’t let anyone touch you” /
and “just kick and scream and fight and bite” /
because women are not afraid of bleeding

my body has been my body before i knew what it felt like /
to be touched by sticky hands that burned my hips / and screamed “mine” /

my body has been my body before i learned to love it /
before i learned to stop pinching my sides / while i stood in the mirror /
before i stopped wishing it was something else / something smaller

my body has been my body even after i learned it could be
a home / a church / a temple / an empty stairwell / a warm fire

but now all of a sudden / it is starting to feel like a goddamn playground

my body has been my body as long as i have been here /
and it will never be yours to play on

MY BODY HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY BODY AND I AM ANGRY
BECAUSE IT IS STARTING NOT TO FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE