Happy Father's Day

By California Watson

happy father’s day

i say to a death certificate i can’t stand to look at

the paper is flimsy and dull

cause of death: suicide

words there to inform, cut deep like a knife

i rip it in half, hopefully i don’t need this

happy father’s day

who made this a holiday anyways

just another day to hate on top of many others

birthdays, holidays, my wedding day

reasons to remember the empty void that

will never be filled, days i’ll always feel alone

happy father’s day

i say to an urn that sits in the stillness of my room

on a windowsill all by itself to collect dust

i stare at it and wonder how

you fit in something so small

when you were someone who stood so tall

happy father’s day

i sit on a bench and run my fingers along the wood

your name on a plaque because you were a force

sitting here is supposed to fill a hole

bigger than everything I am

but all it does is make me feel alone

happy fathers day

i stand in the card aisle and stare at colorful

greetings that mean nothing to me anymore

i run my finger along the edges and wonder

when i can hold one of these again

without it aching at my very core

happy father’s day

i think to myself

next year will better

and you will no longer be bitter

and your heart will no longer be broken

and maybe you’ll be able to tell someone how it gets better

California Watson is 26 years old and lives in southern New Jersey. She has been writing since I could hold a pencil and hopes to continue to do so. The greatest thing she learned through all her ups and downs was the ability to use the written word to heal. To not only heal herself, but to help heal others. In her personal life, she’s always looking for ways to relate and ways to comfort those who have been through tough times. We all have days where we feel alone and misunderstood, she just hopes to let people know one way or another, they are not alone.

Looking for support writing your book or editing your manuscript?
Learn more at Book Year to work with Megan.