Birthing a Magazine with Motherscope Founder Jackie Leonard

You are the Founder and Editor of Motherscope magazine! Tell us about the vision and how your dream is unfolding.

Motherhood is more than just a phase of life or label to wear. I realized, once I became a mother, how much its this construct that affects everyone -- women and men, mothers and women who are not mothers, whether by choice, or circumstance. We all come from mothers and have reactions to the concept of motherhood through that connection. So, in so many ways, I started to become fascinated by the idea of how we perceive motherhood as mothers and women, and how motherhood becomes this new lens through which we see the world.

My vision, though, started from a more simple and complicated yearning -- to hear, receive and share more stories. At my core, I am a storyteller, but I also enjoy helping others learn how to do things that come easily to me. I'm interested in helping bring out the stories from women who don't believe they have stories to tell. Or, women who say they can't share a story because they are not a "writer" -- there's so much intimidation that prevents stories from being heard. I think a lot of times there's more at play than just the act of writing, but we aren't encouraged or taught how to write our thoughts and feelings much either. This point really rang true with the creation of Oh Mama!, our first issue on birth stories. But, the response from the contributors and audience at large, about how healing the storytelling process was for them, has been overwhelmingly positive.

I see Motherscope -- the magazine -- as a product of the work I'm doing at the ground-level. I'm opening myself up to and becoming part of different communities (local and national), surrounding myself with supportive women. I'm supporting other women-led organizations and businesses I admire and that are meaningful to me. These communities take you in and pay you back in love tenfold. I think the answer to any question anyone can ask of me will always be to seek and immerse in community.

These women I connect with are then introduced to Motherscope and invited to share stories for the upcoming issue. Motherscope, as a result, becomes the culmination of women at different stages in their writing, in their motherhood journeys, and from all over the world. At it's core, it is still all about the idea that every woman has a compelling story to share, and that women only get more powerful when they can connect and come together with one another.

What was the creation of this online magazine born from? What prompted this vision within you?

A lot of times my ideas take a long time to manifest and I struggle with the concept of that "one moment." For the birth of this magazine, I actually do have this single defining moment to refer to: the Women's March in 2017. I attended the Los Angeles March, and its size was only second to the D.C. March, I believe. It was the first time I'd ever been to a demonstration or march, and quite honestly, I was anxious and hesitant to go. But, a friend who lived close to downtown was leaning toward going, and I had planned to visit her that weekend, so we went for it. Everything aligned perfectly to get us there including the ease of public transit (which is not that great in LA).

It was such a surreal experience to be surrounded by soooo many people, thousands upon thousands, and feel so safe, calm, and inspired. The mood was positive, energized, and respectful. No one pushed, no one argued or fought. I was so proud to be in that moment. Even more so, I was newly pregnant, only just having the pregnancy confirmed a week prior, with my first child. To say this experience gave me a lot of hope and pride I hadn't felt for some time, is an understatement.

After the glow of the moment passed, I knew I needed to do something with this momentum. I didn't want to just go to a march, feel good about myself, and go back to being complacent about everything I was frustrated with. I wanted to take action, however small, to make positive change. I knew the best way to make that happen was through creating a platform for more stories by women.

As a writer, what advice would you give writers just showing up to the page?

In different periods of my life, writing was a tool to help manage the emotional pain I was going through and didn't know how to voice aloud. I could access it easily, and for some periods in my life, it was all I could rely on for that healing. But, as a more supported, aware adult, I know that to use writing in isolation for that purpose, is not the most healthy. If you feel called to write, its important to know why. If it's because you wish to tell some story, either real or imagined, then you've probably heard a lot of the same advice I would give. I always need to remind myself that the brain is a muscle. Writing, by extension, is a muscle. It's always there, but the more you use it, the better, stronger that muscle becomes. I can claim to innately have this gift to write well, but when I neglect my writing, it shows.

If you are craving more access to writing as a way to channel pain, or start healing, I would urge you to listen to that need and find some other support system to work in tandem to the writing. Writing is a vehicle to access our emotions in a way we don't often allow. So, I think a lot of times, the reason we struggle to write is about WHAT we are trying to write about. We can be just as intimidated by an email to an estranged relative, as we are a research paper. Writing is a solitary and sometimes isolating experience. It opens up and exposes some hard truths. Don't go through that experience alone and unsupported.

Can you share one of your favorite writings with us here? (Less then 300 words)

This is a short excerpt from a personal collection of lyrical essays I'm working on about growing up in the Palm Springs region, the Coachella Valley. I worked on it through graduate school, and am reworking it to have a journalistic, true-crime component. I never realized how much I was witness to in this arena until I put it down in writing and had time (read: YEARS) to sit with it. So, back to the point about advice about writers -- keep your writing! It is something you can come back to and make even more powerful, better, with time. At the time I wrote this, I had no idea where it was heading, and now, I have so much clarity.

From the sidewalk of our street, looking past the fence is like staring into a mirage. The outside blurs out an endless path. It appears reachable. A place a
person can get to by foot. The oasis a desert promises.

Along the freeway, windmills churn. They send wind to the valley in gusts, locomotives billowing dirt that coats, but never buries. That people inhale,
not exhale. That soils, and never grows.

On our street, dirt skirts into the gutters waiting for the wind. Dogs howl and yelp in a language we cannot understand. We feel their urgency but do
nothing. Trash collects along the fence and decomposes before it’s ever recycled.

At dusk, the dust sits in the clouds, like rain, ready to descend not only on our street but the entire valley. It sprinkles over each house every night while the stars hide in the sky behind tracing paper, barely visible. Nothing shines too bright beneath them.

Down in the valley, a tiny house among other houses leaves its lights on well past midnight. A lighthouse in a dry bed surrounded by weeds, drowned in dog yowls, waiting for someone to return or arrive.

If you could back in time and change one thing—what would it be?

Wow, what a question. Personally, I have a lot of peace with my path and we're I've come from. I'm sure there's some other direction I can take this, but first impulse is this: change the results of the 2016 election.

What would you say to your ten year old self?

This is not your fault. This is not your responsibility. You are a child. Enjoy your childhood.

Speak up for yourself without worrying about others before yourself. You know what you want, and that is what is most important. What you want now will not change, it will only grow stronger. It is what you have always known.

Whatever you do, and whatever might happen, I am here for you always. You will find more love than you can ever know, just by being who you are. You will be happy, and healed, and supported not too far into your life. Hang in there, I am here for you always.

Jackie Leonard created Motherscope, an online and print magazine that explores the intersections of motherhood and shares the stories of women who mother. The first issue, Oh Mama, is a collection of birth stories. Jackie has an MFA in Creative Writing and worked as editor for multiple college and literary publications. The things that make Jackie feel most powerful are the community of women who surround her, writing, and her son. Her garden, cooking, and husband bring her peace.